The Friend Zone

Anthony and I have been hanging out a fair bit the last couple of weeks. To the point where it's surprising me and making me think there could be something more if I be chill, take our friendship slowly and see where it goes. However, now it's gotten to that point where we hang out and I hate when he leaves, I miss him and I'm already planning the next thing we can do together. While we hang out I want to cuddle and kiss him and have him sleepover and spoon me. At the moment, we have a 'distant closeness'. We sleep together, but we don't kiss. And I know he's not using me, he wouldn't. He gives me a cuddle whenever we say goodbye. Whenever I ask to hang out he's keen. But still I can't decipher what he's feeling about the situation. I want to take things slowly, see if naturally we can fit back together but the closer we get the more I miss what we had. I start to get stupid and lovesick, I think irrationally. I want to talk to him everyday and sometimes it takes so much strength to hold myself back. My head knows what I should do but my heart is desperate and yearning for something else. When I want something I usually get it, this is really rediculous. Is he worth it? I don't know. From past experiences, no. But there is something about him I can't quite figure out and I want to. I'm pathetic. Any girl would flick him off, not talk to him for a couple of months and any bet he'd come crawling. Instead I'm crawling? When is it acceptable for a woman to work on getting her man back?
Ultimately I feel stupid and I'm glad I have a non judgemental place to vent.
I want him to tell me he loves me, like he used to and I would never take it for granted again.