Me.

I cannot believe it's been 20 days since I last wrote.

17 days ago, Anthony stopped talking to me. It was possibly the best decision he's ever made. 3 days ago we spoke again. I can't be bothered to dive in to the particulars, (yes, can you believe it) but these last couple of weeks have been almost ground breaking to the person I am. I don't know whether watching every season of Sex and the City should be credited for my shift in attitude, or finally, I'm learning a thing or two about relationships and who I am as a person.

For once in my life I am enjoying my own company. I'm not out scrounging for a guy to hang off to feed my dependence for people, to pass the time while I ponder over Anthony and our failed relationship. I'm grieving in a healthy way, missing him indefinitely but pushing forward and accepting I'm now alone. Not everything I do is halved, my thoughts and decisions don't have to be shared with someone else... here I am, just me. This isn't just wonderful because I'm learning to get over a relationship I had last year, but I'm learning that I don't for the life of me, need a man to complete me. If anyone knew me well enough, they would know for most days out of the last eight years I have spent being someone's girlfriend rather than being single. I'm that girl that's always in a relationship, or prospecting a future relationship.

This weekend I spent by myself, enjoying my own company. I'm not a loner and just don't have friends, Louis was asking me every day if we could catch up; I was just simply content with chilling by myself.

I think it also has a lot to do with my new job. I'm a boss, a leader, there is a certain appeal to that. It has given me a lot of confidence and validation that I am in fact a smart and a talented business woman. Especially after my first month of being in control and getting excellent results! I think I've proved a lot of people wrong, possibly even myself? It is a role that is once in a lifetime for me. I'm also becoming very money conscious and learning to control my finances. I could see myself purchasing a home, or investment property sooner than I had ever imagined. My loan and credit card debt is diminishing week by week and the stress of money is slowly lifting off my shoulders.

For once in my life, I feel very confident in who I am and what I'm doing. I have God to thank for being so blessed. I am a very lucky individual. I'm not rich or famous, but I'm healthy, happy and living a life not many people have the opportunity to live. For someone who has suffered depression, low self esteem and the fear of being useless all my life, this is a major turning point in my journey.

It's funny, my horoscope told me this year would be the year I've been waiting for all my life. The one where it finally comes together and I see how everything in the past has gotten me to where I am. Isn't that amazing?

I still believe in love, but I am prolonging the search because I know, out there, someone, somewhere is waiting for me and I will most definitely bump in to them when the time is right. I have confidence in true love. For some funny reason, I still believe whole heartedly that I will end up with Luke. I can't wait to look back on this journal in a few years and see where I've come and where I am.

In five years, I see myself managing Dotti somewhere busy, living with Luke in a house we bought together and living happily ever after.