Restless.

I've just been abruptly woken by my Mum vomiting for the sixth time today. It's one in the morning.

She has a lapband and unfortunately she is in the slight percentage where it has moved and given her nothing but trouble since she got the damn thing. It makes me wonder, how far would we go to have the ideal body shape? Yes, she has lost a lot of weight. Probably 20kg, if not more. When I ask her why she doesn't just take it out now, she tells me she still would like to lose another 15kg. For the last year and a half that I have been back living with them, she has had nothing but trouble from this lapband. She constantly vomits. In the morning, in the afternoon and a lot of the time all throughout the early hours of the night. For some reason the toilet is always next to my room so I'm woken up by her choking constantly. I'm never been a fan of throwing up so it's been really nerve wracking for me to have to go through this with her. Of course I'm worried about her as constantly vomiting and never getting any nutrience can only lead to further issues, but on one hand I can't help but be pissed off that she has in fact done this to herself and won't get the frigin' thing taken out. Or, why couldn't just have the willpower to lose the weight herself? She looks hideous lately. Her skin is yellow and weathered, she looks like the life is literally being sucked out of her. So when I'm not listening to her vomiting, I see her every day looking sickly. It's getting on my last nerve. I'm concerned and annoyed. I want her to be healthy. It has finally come to the point where she can't keep anything down. She is going to end up in hospital if something isn't done.

She finally saw the specialist and he has booked her in to get a new lapband put in correctly and the old gotten rid of, but now, thankfully she is starting to consider taking it out for good. I'm going to push this as much as I can. And if she doesn't, I'm going to be very angry.

I am probably being selfish, but mostly I care that this is going to backlash so badly for my Mum. It's not safe at all and at the moment it has become really scary. I can't keep waking up to the sounds of her discomfort and pain, it's killing me.