Opportunities.

Something amazing has happened for me and for some reason I just don't have the energy to be as excited as I should be.

I was offered the Management role at my work and I accepted it. I started working there with intentions of "one day" managing and with the good work I've done in just three months, my resume and a great interview- I got it! I am very excited to be taking on a leadership role and having the opportunity to market the store in my own way. I love fashion and I love dressing up and I want to incorporate my style in to my marketing. If I look good then everyone will want to look good like me, right?

Yesterday Anthony texted me to see if I got the position then to congratulate me. He also visited me at work that afternoon. I was pleased but very surprised- although I did imagine him coming in earlier that day and I guess my instincts are always right.

On the other hand, last night I went on a "date" with a guy that is my friend here. He's not that attractive and he's only a baby (eighteen) but we get along well and I enjoy his company. I'm not looking for a boyfriend but simply some attention and excuse me if that's selfish and mean, but I've put up with putting myself second for too long. I deserve to think of myself this year. My parents don't approve of him as being anything more than a friend, which is somewhat discerning. We had a couple of drinks last night and I felt myself getting vunerable already. He held my hand from the club to the car and then the whole hour drive home. It was sweet. I felt like I could kiss him but I thought about the repercussions... I wouldn't be happy if Anthony kissed someone this soon, despite him breaking up with me. I wouldn't want this small town to find out and I would be embarrassed if my parents knew. Also, I know me and Anthony are over and I'm ok with it; I just don't want to ruin the chances of anything happening again. I guess I just respect him more than that.

Yes, I still love him and want him back, forever.
No, I'm not going to do anything to get him back, ever.

Anthony knows I went out with a guy last night, he doesn't know who. I invited him to have lunch with me today and he did. We had a nice chat and it was good to see him. We talked tonight about our friendship and what we both think about it. He's happy we're not being gay to eachother. I'm glad he knows I'm "seeing" someone. It makes me sound like I don't care and I'm moving on. I don't know who I'm playing games with more, myself or him.

What do you do when you love someone you can't have?
The answer is simple, follow your heart and let them be.

I'm not sleeping around, and I'm not being stubborn and ignoring him either. I'm balancing him in to my life and gaining a new life without him. That's ok isn't it?

This new guy asked me to hang out again tonight. I didn't want to because I'm sooky and I would kiss him just for comfort and it's not going to get anyone anywhere, him, me or Anthony. And I'm a woman with needs, if someone had the right moves I'd probably cave. I can only follow my heart at the time.

I really do wish Anthony and I can reconcile when the time is right.
Is that stupid?

Anyway congrats to me, the boss lady.