Dating your father.

I don't understand how some girls can date controlling men? Men? Excuse me, boys! Boys that control their girlfriends to a point where they're actually not "allowed" to do things just screams, INSECURITIES to me.

A good relationship is built on love, trust, honesty, loyalty and communication. If your man starts telling you what you can and can't wear, or where you're allowed to go; girl, your man doesn't trust you. And when they say, "Baby, I trust you, I just don't trust other people"; honey, your man doesn't trust you. And when you can't stand up and tell him that he's treating you like your father would, your lack of communication and honesty is out the window. So what do you have? One third of what a good relationship should be.

I have/had a friend here in Innisfail who fits this bill exactly and is the reason behind this blog today. When I first met her I got the impression she was fun, outgoing, confident and keen to party. She had only been with her man for three months at this stage and seeing as he was in America for a month, I guess she was going a bit buckwild. When her man returns home I suddenly start to see the changes within her. Deep changes. Her emails to me everyday is one complaint after another about her relationship. She is starting to wear more conservative clothes out, then all of a sudden she is hardly ever out. Don't even bother to ask her out for a girls night because nine times out of ten her man won't "let" her go! So he compromises like any good boyfriend should and shadows her while she's out with the ladies, or picks her up early and makes her go home. Compromise? Wrong! Your man doesn't trust you. Did you hear me? YOUR MAN DOESN'T TRUST YOU.

Week in, week out I see this girl getting taken control of and she does absolutely nothing about it. Shrugs it off as, "he's protective because he loves me so much." No! Love isn't binding. Love isn't telling you what to do or where to go or who to see. Love is bringing the best out in you! And honey, since I met her, it's been one downward spiral.

I know not to get involved in my friend's relationships and eventually when she came looking for advice I just gave up. At the end of the day, I can only support her as a friend and hope to God one day she wakes up to herself. Truelly, there is nothing you can say to a woman when she is in love with a controlling partner. They blame themselves, "Oh I don't put 100% in, I just focus on the bad- it doesn't help". Most of the time I know she's depressed and yet she stays with him. Her other friends say nothing but I know they don't like him, they've told me.

In this day and age how women can not stand up for themselves in a relationship just boggles my mind. I admit, I've been there. I've been with guys that emotionally abused me and you stick around because you're made to feel it's your fault. That was when I was a teenager, by now let me tell you something; I KNOW how I want to be treated, what I deserve and what I WILL get from my partner. I'll be damned if I let myself be treated any different!

You should never be with someone if you can't do what you were doing before you got in the relationship. I understand your man suddenly becomes your number one priority cause "o0o it's love and it's gonna last forever", but you should never leave your friends and interests behind! Boyfriends come and go ladies, but friends and family are forever. Who is she gonna run to when her relationship finally ends? Does she have anyone after pushing everyone away cause her boyfriend won't let her see anyone?

I got sick of asking her to do things with me of a weekend, it was just a no go and if I did want to see her, her boyfriend would have to accompany us- YAY. I'm not even mentioning the fact that he isn't the best catch either, he's probably ten ranks below her level but hey, you gotta learn to get along with your best friend's boyfriend. You smile and knod and go "Yeah he's nice". Ha!

Friendship isn't a one way street for me. No sir, nuh uh! Friends should be there for you. I can count numerous times I've had fights with my boyfriend on a weekend and instead of shrugging it off and going out with my girl, I have to stay at home and sulk because she's too busy with her boyfriend. Busy laying around at home doing nothing with him. I just got so fed up with it, knowing she is in an unhealthy relationship with a LOSER and not being able to take ONE night away from him to do something with me. I had to be honest and ask her what the point was to our friendship? Of course whenever she asks to do something with me, I don't run to Anthony and ask him for permission like a timid eleven year old kid asking their strict father to go to the movies on a Friday night. NO! I say "Yeah sounds fun, I'll be there!" And then I tell Anthony I've got plans.

What is also pathetic is how immature she's acting now. I told her politely that I didn't want to upset her or offend her but the friendship just wasn't meeting my expectations. Do you think she tries to fix anything? Compromises with me to hang SOMETIMES? She just lets herself lose me as a pal because she has no control, she couldn't save our friendship even if she wanted to- she doesn't have that choice. I know she could never go back to her boyfriend and say, "I've lost a best friend because you're too controlling of me." AS IF. I don't have any hard feelings against her, I really don't. But she's acting so fucking immature about it. She came over in a huff this morning and left a phone I gave her (nice friend eh?) and a top at my door. No knock, no hi, no good morning. RUDE. I told her she was being an attention seeker and she's pathetic. Because she really is. She's got, "having a good day" written on her Facebook. LAME! It's so obvious when people know how shit their situation is but just over dramatise everything to think they're life is so great. I know she's upset inside. I was a really good friend to her, we had fun. I supported her, gave her endless advice, tried and tried my hardest to like her boyfriend, got used to her "situation". But it just takes the cake when I ask her to hang out and she says, "Yeah it should be fine, I don't see why not" and comes back to me the next day telling me, "Apparently I ruined his night asking because I should already know the answer." SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS MADNESS.

My Mum scoffed and laughed and asked me is that what he seriously said.
I know people, she is dillusional and love can make you blind. But somewhere, somehow, I think she actually likes the way he is because she is an attention seeker? I've seen this before, a friend from down south is exactly the same. Acts like being controlled is hard but advertises it to everyone as if it's cool and it shows how much her boyfriend "loves" her.

I am so frustrated at how shit people can be sometimes. Seriously.

WAKE UP TO YOURSELF LADIES.