Drunken thoughts.

Last night I went out to dinner with Louis and brought along Lisa and her man Shane and my parents. The place we originally wanted to go to was booked out so we hit up another restaurant. We're sitting there having a good old time when Anthony walks in with his mates. I had the biggest rush of emotions, I was at least glad I saw him whilst I was with another guy and my parents (who he idolises) plus my friends, yet thinking back now I feel almost shallow for being seen with another guy out in town so close after breaking up. I feel worse than I did about hooking up. I know it would of been so hard for him seeing himself replaced like that, or so it would have seemed. He ignored me, said hi to my Dad and that was that. Once my heart started beating normally, the goosebumps left and I didn't feel sick anymore; I enjoyed myself even with Anthony a couple of tables away.

I've realised he walked away from me and there is nothing I should feel guilty about. I committed to him a whole year of my life, heart and soul. He is the one that walked away from that, not me. I never stopped loving him but there is just a point where you have to look after yourself and say enough is enough.

I don't want to talk to him and right now I could not be with him even if he begged on his hands and knees, but it doesn't mean I don't miss every stupid little thing about him. It's not the easiest thing I've had to do but once you realise it's not your fault, you did the best you could and they didn't want it... it makes it just a touch easier to walk away taller.